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10 Reasons Xavier Sucks

Tomorrow is the Crosstown Shootout. Like I needed to tell you. For those of you who somehow aren’t well versed in the Cincinnati-Xavier rivalry, let this be your guide to Xavier hate. Some of these reasons are from suggestions from twitter. Bearcats Blog will be on twitter tomorrow for the game, look for @BearcatsBlog. Using the hashtag #BeatX is recommended.

10) Those “Xavier Undefeated Since 1973″ shirts were stupid.

I don’t know if these are still sold anywhere, but good lord were they stupid. Every once in a while you see a guy wearing one on the urge to punch him in the face starts to rise. It’s easy to be undefeated in football when you sucked so much your school gave up the sport.  Xavier did their part to stop the stupid shirts from existing, they started a club football team. That team went 0-7 in 2011. Xavier football wasn’t hot stuff back in the 70s. If you remember the film We Are Marshall, who were the villains? Xavier. And Marshall beating them was a great moment. Not only did Marshall win their first home game after the tragedy, but they beat those evil Xavier bastards to boot. Anyway, those shirts, stupid. 

9) Andy Mac’s call was horrible.

Go ahead, listen to his “legendary” call of the 1996 Shootout. It’s horrible. He barely gets out “Lenny Brown makes the shot, Xavier wins,” before spouting into his horribly rehearsed “Number 1 in the country, number 2 in the city,” nonsense. It’s only 20 seconds into the call that he actually describes what happened so Brown could make the shot. If you were some guy flipping on the dial and you stumbled across that, you would wonder what Brown did besides shoot and score. Then you would wonder why the homer announcer was making horrible calls and probably turn off your radio in disgust. 

8) Tu Holloway is a crybaby.

This is the newest entry on the list. It stems from last season’s Crosstown Shootout. If you don’t remember that game, the Yancy Gates fueled 20 point Cincinnati domination, you probably remember Holloway bitching about every single call up and down the court for 40 minutes. Holloway was 2-13 from the field for 5 points and turned the ball over 4 times. Holloway was directly at the vortex of the game turning from semi-competitive into a blowout. With Xavier down 10, he fouled Larry Davis for 2 FTs, then got a technical foul called on him that moved the lead to 13. After Tu took a bad 3, UC moved the lead to 15 and never looked back. Holloway is cold blooded for sure, and he’s a great player. But his shameful performance last season made him and Xavier look bad. 

7) Xavier is terrible at lip syncing

Watch this. 

Do the first 5 people poorly lip sync? Yes. Do the people walking backwards look to see where they are going every 2 seconds? Yes. Is someone wearing a Santa hat in February for no reason? Yes. Does the video look both rehearsed and not rehearsed at the same time? Yes. Is there a random hate crime? Yes. Is there some dude with a shake weight who is kind of scary? Yes. Are there white people failing to do anything graceful? Yes. Does the swim team do a ‘funny’ conga line? Yes. Does a cheerleader or dance team girl go spread eagle in front of the camera? Yes. Is there some random guy walking through the background? Yes. Was there poor editing to make that song last over 7 minutes? Yes. Was this video shot months after the lip sync trend was socially acceptable? Yes. Was this video horrible? Yes. 

6) No one can pronounce it

Name one school that has been in the NCAA tournament and is as nationally relevant as Xavier and gets it’s name mispronounced. That’s right, you can’t. No one mispronounces Duke, or Kentucky, or Kansas, or Louisville, or Gonzaga. That honor is saved for EGGS-avier. People always wonder how Xavier can get out of the mid-major label and can get thought of as a national program. Not being called EGGS-avier would go a long way. I want someone to pronounce Xavier the way Xavier Henry pronounces his name. The Za-V-Eh Musketeers would be the greatest thing ever. I hope the ESPN2 announcer uses that tomorrow. 

5) Kevin Frey was a bad player

I’m using Kevin Frey, but he really is a stand in for any Xavier player that was not that good at basketball, but played like he was Michael Jordan. Frey was especially a pain in the ass because he was on the 99 team that beat UC in the final Shootout at the Cincinnati Gardens. Frey made a put back that I remember being so incredibly lucky that it made me sick, then running up the court like a spaz. Frey would go out in a great way. The 02 Bearcats beat Xavier by 20 and Frey was something like 3-15. Xavier fans love Frey, even though he had 2 decent years. He shot 26% from 3 his career, but shot 49, 66 and 58. He had 1 year of 11-6 and 2 of 8-5. He was one of those guys Xavier fans talk about how gritty he was and how scrappy he was. He shot 42%, took bad shots and didn’t rebound that well. He didn’t get any steals or assists. He made 1 put back and suddenly became the face of Xavier basketball, even though he wasn’t even good. 

4) Xavier uses this as a mascot

blob
I’m pretty sure the pitch meeting for this mascot was as followed. 

Guy 1: Hey, we need another mascot. 

Guy 2: Agreed. 

Guy 1: Do you have any original ideas?

Guy 2: No, because I went to Xavier. 

Guy 1: Me too. Let’s turn on the TV to get ideas.

*Turns on TV, sees Western Kentucky game*

Guy 1: Are you thinking what I’m thinking? 

Guy 2: Steal it?

Guy 1: And make it blue.

*lights up cigar* 

3) Pete Gillen was an asshole

Before Pete Gillen was being an absolutely terrible color analyst for college basketball games, he was the first coach to leave Xavier for a better job. Yes kids, Sean Miller, Thad Matta and Skip weren’t the first ones to do it. The reason Gillen remains hated by me is because of the 1994 Shootout. Part of this is based off what I remember from Bob Huggins book, and part is based off a recap I found. During the first half, Xavier coaches were yelling at the Cincinnati bench. This led to Huggins and Gillen getting into a shouting match as the teams went into the half. During the second half, I recall Huggins saying the Xavier coaches continued the yelling and one of them might have grabbed his crotch. That part sounds right, but I’m not sure. Xavier won in OT. Instead of shaking hands, Huggins walked off the court. That made the next few Shootouts electric with hate. Here is the recap I refered to: 

They went at it from a distance, then punctuated a frenzied night when Huggins refused to shake Gillen’s hand.

“I’m not phony,” Huggins said. “If their bench is going to yell things at me during the game, that’s their business. I’m not going to shake hands and pretend everything is all right.”

The 10,121 fans got the idea something was wrong at halftime. Huggins and Gillen were yelling back toward the court as they headed for the locker rooms.

It got worse in the second half. At one point, the two coaches appeared to be yelling at each other from their benches. Finally, there was the handshake snub.

2) Xavier girls are ugly.

When I asked for reasons Xavier sucked on twitter, this was far and away the most common response. I’m not one to argue with the will of the people. Looking at the video up top, I’m not one to argue that point either. Sorry Xavier girls, U-G-L-Y you ain’t got no alibi. 

1) They are Xavier

They are Xavier. We are Cincinnati. Sometimes it’s that simple. 

BEAT XAVIER

 

Scott

About Scott

I write Bearcats Blog and also on the Student Section.

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